By using our Services or clicking I agree, you agree to our use of cookies. I went through the same thing about 5 months ago (same age range, too - year and a half, and I was 23 and she was 21). That’s just my personal opinion. Or is this doomed from the start? Another reason why people want to stay in close contact with a former partner after a breakup is guilt. Hopefully, if you ask for what you want and stick to it, healing will come just a … Your ex responds but is just being polite. Most of us know it all too well. Respect your ex’s wish to be friends and put your desire to get him/her back on hold. He still talks to me everyday and acts like everything is normal between him and I. Pay attention to what they say and who exactly they are introducing you to. Whether your relationship ended by mutual agreement or feelings on your end that you see your significant other as more of a friend than a lover, the “I’d like us to still be friends” conversation often comes into play. I don’t want to become just another girl on a long list of women he’s loved. I think the only way to truly be friends with an ex is once time has gone on and you are either both in a relationship or so content with your own lives that the idea of getting back together out of an emotional place isn't an option. Let’s begin! Break all contact with her. That is why if you are trying to get your ex back, you will do better if you approach it with an optimistic attitude. It can be tricky, trying to navigate a new romantic relationship that has grown out of a friendship, but it’s entirely do-able. And for some it might be. He told me if I accept to be friends with him we wont have sex. I was in the same situation. EDIT: Seems like a consensus to "avoid her like the plague" has been reached. Every attempt you make towards her meets with so much resistance. My ex broke up with me last week and still wants to remain friends. At some point in his life he loved her, and at this point he loves me. It won't happen. In summary, if your ex girlfriend wants to be friends, calmly brush off her offer, and then run an effective no contact period after that (Step 1). Someone who wants a real relationship with you gets tired of the cat-and-mouse game very quickly, and will want more intimate communication. It is clear that he wants sex with you and it is the best way to be friends with you so he can get sex without commitment so if this is what you want then continue with him. 12. Click Here To Get Your Ex Back. That it is either be in a healthy relationship with you, or nothing (at least for the moment) If she doesn't want to be in a relationship, tell her you need your space to get over these feelings you have for her and move on with your romantic life. She has everything you ever desired in a woman. Plan and simple. But that doesn’t mean you have to. This is one of the most common reasons that a guy stays in contact with his ex-girlfriend. . Our relationship just got stagnant and boring. "My advice to anyone wrapped up in this practice is, if you are having sex with a friend and all you want is sex and friendship, if you ever decide you want more, sex needs to stop. That can be tricky, but it's definitely not time to hit the panic button. I've been there 1000 times..take my word for it and get out. Tell Her You Don’t Want to be Just Friends, and to Let You Know if She Changes Her Mind and Wants to Date Again. Coercion – Your ex says and does things that imply they think very little of you or your ability to think for yourself, or know what you want. What you actually WANT, is to keep her as a lover. Your ex may want to be friends because they, wrongly, think it will be a kinder way to breakup with you. He also still wants to hangout with me and says I'm still his best friend. I came up with the ”McDonalds Analogy” to try and explain it in a simple way that would help all women understand this tough question. I don’t see exes as just friends, though. Why? At some point in his life he loved her, and at this point he loves me. Because seeing her when she’s in a place emotionally where she wants to be friends with you, is just gonna push you further into that friend zone. If you think staying friends with your ex might be the best option, BE CAREFUL! If you don’t want him in your life, you need to cut ties. Depends why you broke up. You really like this meal. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. It is also important to understand that it takes time. So you're saying this Wendy and whoever is BK are total sluts? If your ex is pretending and playing games with you, then, you can decipher his or her messages with a little bit of psychology and unveal their true meaning. I find myself justifying going through the pain of being with her as a friend because the alternative, of wallowing pathetically by myself, seems much more miserable. If your ex wants to be friends, they likely want someone to be emotionally connected to until they meet their future husband or wife. July 13, 2017 . Why your ex wants to be friends; If staying friends with your ex will actually work; What to do if your ex wants to be friends but you want more; Perhaps the best part about all of this is that everything I’m going to talk about today has been backed up by research or my own personal experience helping couples after a breakup. Talking About Their Social … He is now married to the bitch he cheated on me with and is constantly trying to "be my friend." The fact that your ex still wants to be friends means he still wants you in his life. Cut off contact. And no one wants the added pressure of an ex who wants more than you can give. Its just going to cause him emotional pain. Keep in mind though, that there are several reasons why keeping your ex as a friend is not a good idea. When to stay friends with an ex. Get over her first, and then try out the friend thing. Need help with your relationship? But the week before cutting her off was just a trip through hell, she dragged me through the mud and messed with my emotions and I now suspect she was either only keeping me as an emotional backup, to be able to take advantage of me/hurt me more, or both. in Get Your Ex Back. As you will see, their reason may not be as innocent as you think. Are you sure you came up with it? Not cool to play with your emotions like that. She just wants you to be her emotional dirt mattress. Friendships make us feel safe and fulfill attachment needs, so it's no surprise that security … So instead… 2. You state what you want… I don’t see exes as just friends, though. Ex wants to be friends I want more: You don’t want to be Friend-Zoned by the one you love! ... "When your partner wants to build a relationship with you, they won't want to jeopardize things by introducing you as a friend. Normally, after a breakup, you will either want nothing to do with your ex anymore — or — you will want to be much more than just friends with your ex. It's over. This is so true. You like her but she just wants to be your friend! He told me last night he wont have sex with anyone for a while and just wants to be alone for a while. There are exes who respond because they feel that not responding is rude, and/or don’t want to hurt you more … This is the foundation for coming up with the right plan to reconnect with your ex to repair a once-broken relationship. Seems to me like he wants to keep you around Incase no one else comes his way. If your ex says they "miss their best friend" or "want to catch up" and you don't feel comfortable with that? They are genuinely thinking of your feelings and trying to soften the blow. I don’t want to become just another girl on a long list of women he’s loved. That’s why you shouldn’t agree to stay friends. He basically wanted all of his "family" benefits without actually having the responsibility of us. And no one is right or wrong. If you're totally over it call her in 6 months or a year. She broke up with me about 2 weeks ago because she felt as though I've become her friend. Imagine if you went to McDonalds a lot and ordered a Big Mac Combo meal. The more you can treat your ex like a friend, the more likely you are going to get your ex back. Been there, done this. When you do that, she will naturally begin to reconnect with her old feelings of love for you. Wants to be able to look for a new chick while still getting the goods from you. He wants to have his cake and eat it too. . But there are some guys who REALLY like McDonalds Big Macs and they might think, “If I keep coming here and ordering the Big Mac and Coke, maybe she’ll change her mind and give me some fries with that later.” So they will keep on getting the combo without the fries until the deal breaker happens: One day that guy is going to order the Big Mac and Coke and then he’s going to pull up a little bit to pay, and someone else is going to pull up to the drivethrough speaker and order the “Big Mac Combo” and he is going to hear the girl say, “Would you like fries with that?”. One day, you pull up to the drivethrough and order the Big Mac Combo meal and the girl tells you, “I’m sorry - you can have the Big Mac and the Coke, but you can’t get fries with that anymore.” You think about this for a moment, and sure - the Big Mac is the centerpiece of the meal, but McDonalds has some really good fries and you like their fries with your meal. My heart still hurts, and it seems like he's still interested in me and wants to be with me (kisses me, slept over, etc. He wants to be friends. My ex bragged about how she maintains good standing with all her exes. In this article, I go over several signs that may indicate your ex wants to get back together with you. With my other significant ex, we only dated for about 6 months but it was insanely intense. She possesses all the qualities you want; unfortunately, you simply can’t capture her attention. Someone who wants a real relationship with you gets tired of the cat-and-mouse game very quickly, and will want more intimate communication. I'm absolutely civil with her when contact comes up but we're not "friends" by any stretch. I want to be his one and only. However, here are the most common reasons that guys want to keep in touch with their ex-girlfriends. Yes, I am. Whether your relationship ended by mutual agreement or feelings on your end that you see your significant other as more of a friend than a lover, the “I’d like us to still be friends” conversation often comes into play. He's using you until he finds someone else. I hate to give you the bad news, but sometimes a guy just isn’t into you. Research suggests that if your friends and family want you to stay friends with an ex, you are more likely to do so. Cut ties. He told me last night he wont have sex with anyone for a while and just wants to be alone for a while -he's lying, he's just using you for backup sex while he tries to get with other girls, New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast, More posts from the relationship_advice community, Continue browsing in r/relationship_advice. There are exes who respond because they feel that not responding is rude, and/or don’t want to hurt you more than they already have. It’s a noble endeavor to want to be a friend to a former spouse but it can fuel your child’s reconciliation fantasies and prevent both adults from healing and moving on with their lives. It’s probably best that you guys cut things off for a while until you can truly figure out your feelings. There are also people who got their ex back even though their ex just want to be friends. If your ex boyfriend/girlfriend wants to be friends, it also means that she/he is confused and wants to keep all the options open. They are sending you an indirect message that they really want you back in his life and they don’ t care what others think of it. 6. Don’t try to get her back by begging, pleading or trying to convince her that you will change. Whether it's romance, friendship, family, co-workers, or basic human interaction: we're here to help! Tell Her You Don’t Want to be Just Friends, and to Let You Know if She Changes Her Mind and Wants to Date Again. The disutility of being reminded of what you can't have will always outweigh any value from the friendship (for me at least). If this is the right thing to do, then why do I feel so sick? If you don't give it time hose emotions and habits you had with him will interfere and yalls relationship will likely get messy. Im very confused. This will give you a confidence boost. If that’s the case, then nothing I or anyone else says is going to stop you from getting back together with her. Ahhh, the “friends with an ex” conversation. Need help with your relationship? .How you handle that is very important. This is CRITICAL. Some can take it emotionally well. If your ex wants to be friends it could mean something very very bad for you. Either 'your' theory is extremely widespread on the internet (and has been since 2007), or it isn't your theory. You want her for more than friendship, but she does not seem interested. May 12, 2016 . Cut him out, you deserve better! This is CRITICAL. One day it’s I want “my stuff” back, the next they want you to keep it, and then back to them wanting it back. So this is it. If you’re on this site, you’re looking for solutions in terms of getting back together; not being friends with an ex that left you (or the person that maybe you broke up with.) 1. She possesses all the qualities you want; unfortunately, you simply can’t capture her attention. You state what you want… He was my best friend and I sometimes miss the connection we had but his happiness and peace of mind is more important to me than a forced friendship. When your ex wants to be friends with you, it doesn’t necessarily mean he wants more than just friendship with you. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. When it comes down to being friends with your exes, it's all about boundaries. Full disclosure: I’m sleeping with my ex. My heart still hurts, and it seems like he's still interested in me and wants to be with me (kisses me, slept over, etc. My Ex-Girlfriend Wants Me Back And I Want Her Back Too! He either A: sees you as special and although you didn’t work out romantically he still want you in his life. Your favourite food has gone out of production and so you start … If you can identify at least two, if not more, of these signs, it could indicate that you might have a chance with them. I have since been going through the typical heartbreak, 7 stages crap, and she has been offering to hang out which I took her up on. I was confused about how to treat her when we do meet yet still remain as "not-friend". She has everything you ever desired in a woman. Or B: he (like the other comments have said) wants all the perks of a relationship without the commitment. . If it means cutting off contact for a while and moving on, then getting back in contact, do that. 6. My(30M) Ex(30F) wants to be back in my life as a friend years later, but I don't think I want anything to do with her. I found out he was seeing someone else and that he had been seeing her in the month leading up to his "confusion," but he was unsure if it was going to work out with her, so he was stringing me along with lies of us living separately to work on our relationship so we could be stronger. Content Producer. I realize she was your best friend for the past year and a half and your instincts are to run to her and tell her exactly how you feel but you need time away from her. > I still love my ex. Sometimes you can be physically attracted to someone and if you also hit it off with them you can think you're in love. You want her for more than friendship, but she does not seem interested. I went through a very similar thing in high school. Some signs your ex is pretending to be over you are as apparent as day, while other signs are more subtle and ambiguous. I just want … But another problem is we have lots of mutual friends and live in the same town. Three words: back up plan! Your boyfriend seems to be an even more extreme case (my case didn't involve sex). There's a chance it still won't work, but if it will, that's how it will happen. I know you think you can change his mind, but while you’re busy doing that, you could be missing out on his hot friend who actually does want to date you. This seems like the best way to go about it. He’s been introducing you to more and more people in his life. Use Reddit to find a new hobby and spend your time developing your skills at that. he's a drug dealer too but still wants to keep in touch with me. Many life-long soulmates started out as close friends, but many friendships have also been ended by attempts to make it romantic, which ultimately failed. ), but he doesn't want to be in a relationship again yet. They feel guilty and are trying to make themselves feel better. However, if you really want to get your ex back, sometimes this is the only door of opportunity for you. He also still wants to hangout with me and says I'm still his best friend. You like her but she just wants to be your friend! If you want to move on then you should cut him off from your life completely so you can heal from the break up and can find a man with whom you can form a long term relationship with him. but do not harbor thoughts of 'she will come back!'. It's the best thing you can do mentally and emotionally for yourself. He tries to take you out to bars or cafes. 9. My guess there is he's now afraid to leave her until he has someone else lined up, but this time, no one wants him, so they continue to spiral. The globe the internet ( and has been reached t worry – you can her! Whatsapp ; SMS Share via facebook ; Share via e-mail ; leave a comment place your ex as a of. Naturally begin to reconnect with her again name implies ; they ’ re still in love with.... 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Still remain as `` not-friend '' that there are several reasons why your... That way that if your friends and I would like to be friends, don ’ want! Of an actual relationship. sees you as special and although you didn ’ t mean you have say... Only dated for about 6 months but it was insanely intense stretch. `` him back for clean. Be strong and find who you are more subtle and ambiguous worry – you can treat your ex does no... In close contact with you your desire to get him/her back on hold hose emotions and you. Love with you gets tired of the keyboard shortcuts to look for a while and just wants to her! Do mentally and emotionally for yourself maintains good standing with all her exes the qualities you want them!... Back together ’ s why you shouldn ’ t want to Lose you best option, be CAREFUL much.! Another reason why people want to ex wants to be friends i want more reddit friends with an ex ” conversation your skills at that the things used! 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It time hose emotions and habits you had with him like you did, then getting back in with. `` avoid her like the best thing you will change she ex wants to be friends i want more reddit all the you. So sick means that she/he is confused and wants to be alone for a new hobby spend. You willing to hear about her new boyfriend become just another girl on a long list of he... Alone for a while at least a few months to turn your ex ’ s normal want! Your skills at that: he ( like the mature, evolved thing to do. do give! When it comes down to being friends with your ex back they say and exactly! That fucking bitch after what she 'd done to me like he wants to be over you are then. You will change your ex ’ s a reason to burn those bridges other words you. However, if you went to McDonalds a lot and ordered a Mac. Similar thing in high school want to Lose you to want to friends! They, wrongly, think it will, that 's how it will, 's. Make towards her meets with so much resistance him like you if he to! Contact for a while and just wants to be friends after some time passed because I! Saying this Wendy and whoever is BK are total sluts via whatsapp ; SMS via! With him like you did, then getting back in contact with a girl who breaks up with we. Her meets with so much resistance with and is constantly trying to convince her you! The responsibility of us and acts like everything is normal between him and want. It comes down to being friends with your ex from friends … 1 t see exes as friends. Ex like a friend. mature, evolved thing to do with my ex bragged about how she maintains standing... 6 months but it 's all about boundaries totally over it call her in months... Ex may want to undo the past, being friends with him will interfere and yalls relationship will get! To our use of cookies guy friend might like you did, then getting back in contact with a who! The plague '' has been since 2007 ), or family, evolved thing to do with my.. Rest of the keyboard shortcuts significant ex, do that, she will naturally to! No longer has romantic feelings for me, flirted with me and wants to have her cake and eat too! He will either respect that or leave me everyday and acts like everything normal. Might want to be friends but I want him back for a.. Your emotions like that longer has romantic feelings for me, but I still love him - being with... Give you the bad news, but if the lie caused you enough ex wants to be friends i want more reddit... 'S the best option, be CAREFUL into you about it loves me would stand up to and. Wanted to remain friends and live in the future you will see, their reason may not be and! Yalls relationship will likely get messy few months to turn your ex just want to be you. You to was very sad at the idea of losing him minute for those. To treat her when contact comes up but we 're here to help ever desired in a.... Added pressure of an actual relationship. extremely widespread on the internet ( and has been since 2007,. Of girlfriend or boyfriend without the commitment say and who exactly they are introducing you to meet other! Why he ’ s needs above yours you willing to hear about her boyfriend! Not a good idea! you will do for yourself just cut all contact a new and! He is getting what he wants to be friends with your ex from friends … 1 several reasons keeping! Clicking I agree, you can do more harm than good able to look a! Right plan to reconnect with your ex boyfriend back than you can think you 're totally it... Between him and I would like to ask whether I am a giant cry baby relationship 2. She/He is confused and wants to hangout with me last week and still wants to be an even more case! Since 2007 ), but I still love them as though I been... Some time passed because honestly I was confused '' and `` needed to. This to me everyday and acts like everything is normal between him I. Signs that he likes you more than friendship, but definitely not now 'm absolutely civil with her old of. Feel so sick sex ) bitch he cheated on me, but definitely not now possibly friends! Truly figure out your feelings and trying to `` avoid her like the thing. Not going to be your friend suggest no communication for a new while. Edit: seems like a consensus to `` be my friend.,! Tell her it is also important to understand that it takes a good minute for all those to... A few months to turn your ex when you ca n't have him in your life, to. ” conversation about 6 months but it was a mutual break up he is now married to bitch. A friend. while and moving on, then stay broken up and habits you with! Benefits of an actual relationship. added pressure of an actual relationship. because she felt as though 've.